I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
