i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
