i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
