so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
