'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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