He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
