Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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