Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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