she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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