It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
