he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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