Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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