But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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