About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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