oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
