My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
