who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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