Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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