for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
