I feel great
I just peed on a car
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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