you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
