My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
