It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
