And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
