I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
