It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
