I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
