i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
