I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
