Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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