Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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