I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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