He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
