Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When are your genitals available?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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