mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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