God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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