I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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