you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
