Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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