Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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