he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
