I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
