im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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