My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
