In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
