My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
