Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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