I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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