And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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