She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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