saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
