Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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