Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
