Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize