I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
