So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How does one acquire holy water?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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