I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
