Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
