no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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