I feel like I'm in dance class right now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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