I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
